


Reasons Not to Kiss Him

by Skaboom



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaboom/pseuds/Skaboom
Summary: Theo grapples internally with his feelings for Liam, and his feelings for himself. He's a monster, so why should he get to be happy with someone like Liam? But Liam is there, Liam is constant, and in spite of himself, Theo wants him.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 16
Kudos: 199





	Reasons Not to Kiss Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TwigsofManyFaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwigsofManyFaces/gifts).



> This story was inspired by Yes & No (Reasons Not to Kiss Him) by Natalie Wee, found [Right here!](https://fondlylupin.tumblr.com/post/134742840917/reasons-to-not-kiss-him-1-you-werent-raised-to)

**_REASONS NOT TO KISS HIM:_ **

**1\. You weren’t raised to love tender.** **  
** **  
** “That’s it.” The Surgeon leaned over Theo in the woods.    
  
Theo was ten years old, and it was freezing, but he barely noticed the cold. His sister, on the other hand, had noticed. Her leg was broken, and she was freezing in the creek. She hadn’t spotted Theo yet, though, he and The Dread Doctors were still a few feet off, just shy of the bridge.    
  
“Take it, Theodore,” The Surgeon said, his terrifying voice in Theo’s ear. “Without it, you will be a failure. Without you, we can do nothing for you.”   
  
“Can’t you do it?” Theo asked. His voice was steady, but he was nervous. Unwilling to show that to The Dread Doctors, however, he kept it tucked away, deep inside of him.    
  
“It has to be you, Theodore.” The Surgeon nudged Theo forwards. “Go on. Take it. Take it, and be our triumph.”   
  
Theo didn’t say anything else. He moved forwards, towards the bridge, towards where his sister lay, freezing,  _ dying _ in the water.    
  
“Th-Theo?” She looked up, noticing her little brother. “Theo, h-help me.”   
  
Theo said nothing. He looked to the side briefly, where The Dread Doctors stood, and The Surgeon nodded. Theo gulped, moving forwards, down off of the bridge until he was just at the edge of the stream.    
  
He said nothing as he moved closer to his sister until he was close enough to crouch down in front of her.    
  
“Theo, p-please,” she begged.    
  
Her teeth were chattering, her lips were blue, and Theo? He did what he was told. He hacked into her chest, and ripped her heart out as she screamed.   
  
He had been told that he had to do this. He had been told that he would die without it. He had been told that Tara was going to die anyways, so why should they both have to?   
  
It wasn’t the last time, either. He was told time and time again by the Dread Doctors that he had to hurt people to help them, and to stay alive himself. It was drilled into his head time and time again until he believed it, until he became the monster that they wanted him to, both inside, and out.    
  
  
**2\. When he’s around, all you do is tremble. When he’s around you want to get on your knees. Look how much power he has over you. It’s dangerous.** **  
** **  
** No one had ever made Theo feel like he could be  _ good _ . Everyone had written him off as evil, either because they wanted him to be, or because he had proven to them that he was, but Liam? Liam didn’t do that.    
  
Sure, he might have at first, but things had changed when he had brought Theo back from his underground hell. Things had changed when they had fought the Ghost Riders together.    
  
Things had changed when Liam had fought to save him.    
  
Things had changed when Theo decided to be the bait.    
  
He hadn’t expected to survive. He hadn’t expected to have to face the consequences of what he had done. He hadn’t expected to have to deal with the fact every day that he had saved Liam Dunbar’s life.    
  
He hadn’t expected to have to deal with the fact that Liam was grateful.    
  
He hadn’t expected to have to deal with the fact that Liam now saw something in him that Theo still wasn’t sure truly existed.    
  
Liam saw a heart where he had once seen someone heartless, and Theo hated how he responded to that. He hated the way that Tara’s heart slammed against his chest when Liam looked over his shoulder at him and smiled. He hated the way that sweat formed, just above his brow, when Liam was close to him. He hated the way that Scott sent him to Liam’s side when their whole world was ending.    
  
He hated the way they fought together so flawlessly.    
  
More than anything, though, he hated that he actually  _ wanted  _ to change. He had understood himself. He had understood his place in the world, a link between the human and monster not thought possible before his creation...or his enhancement. But Liam? Liam saw the human _ and _ the monster, and believed in him anyways, and the more Liam saw in him, the more Theo wanted to see in himself.    
  
He wanted to be one of the good guys for Liam. He wanted to be the kind of man that anchored someone else. He wanted to be the kind of man that could take pain away from others to make them feel better, not because he could  _ gain  _ something from it.    
  
At first, he had only felt it when Liam looked at him with that smile that could bring a grown man, or at least a grown monster, to his knees, but then it began to seep into every part of his life.   
  
The sword that could send him back to hell was long since broken, but Liam still had a power over him that Theo couldn’t explain, and it was as dangerous as it was intriguing.    
  
Possibly moreso.   
  
  
**3\. He’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.** **  
** **  
** “Damnit, Theo! We weren’t supposed to kill him! We were just supposed to-”   
  
“I know!” Theo snapped at Liam. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean to. I just...you know how I am. This is how I am.” He turned to look at Liam. “We were threatened. He was  _ threatening  _ us.”   
  
_ He was threatening  _ you.   
  
“We were supposed to scare him away! To send a message clear enough that he would never hunt in Beacon Hills again.”   
  
“He was threatening our pack! I just...it just happened. Liam, I’m-” He stopped himself.    
  
If he apologized, he would mean it, and if he meant it, that would mean that he felt something, and if he felt something, that would mean that he could feel other things.   
  
If he felt other things, he might have to admit what he felt for Liam, and he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do it to himself, and he couldn’t do it to Liam.    
  
“Hey, it’s okay.” Liam walked up to him, putting a hand on Theo’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re learning.”   
  
“I…” Theo raked a hand through his slightly shaggy hair. “I did it on purpose,” he admitted softly.    
  
“I know.” Liam nodded. “I wanted to, too.”   
  
“I know. But you didn’t.”   
  
“You made a mistake. People make mistakes.”   
  
_ People  _ make  _ mistakes. _

_ Monsters  _ are _ mistakes. _ _   
_ _   
_ “This is what I do, Liam. This is who I am.”   
  
“It isn’t,” Liam argued. “It doesn’t have to be. I feel it, I promise I do. That urge to kill? I feel it right here.” He put his hand on his chest, over his own heart, making direct eye contact with Theo. “It’s hard not to, but I was raised not to. You weren’t. It will take longer for you, and it’s always going to be right here.”   
  
He reached out, placing his other hand on Theo’s chest, just above Tara’s heart.    
  
“Just because it’s there,” Liam said, looking up at Theo with those unfair blue eyes, full of hope for someone who could never truly be redeemed.   
  
Could he?   
  
“Just because it’s there,” he said again. “Doesn’t mean that you have to do it. Next time?” Liam bit his lip. “Next time, maybe you won’t.”   
  
Theo knew that he would, but the hope in Liam’s eyes? It made him wish that he wouldn’t.  
  
_   
_ **4\. You know what they say about monsters. You know what happens to the boys who love them. Are you going to do that to him?** _   
_

Liam was asleep. Finally.    
  
Theo could hear his heartbeat regulating, he could hear Liam’s slowed breathing.    
  
Liam was  _ breathing _ , but it had been close. Too close.    
  
Theo hadn’t seen it coming. He had never thought about anything from his past showing up to harm him. He had never thought twice about the enemies he had made before Beacon Hills, about the enemies that The Dread Doctors had made.    
  
But The Dread Doctors were gone, and Theo was still here, and for years and years of his life, he had done their bidding, and people were angry. They had turned Theo into a monster, he had let them, and maybe not all monsters do monstrous things, but Theo had, and those monstrous things had been internalized by his victims, and the loved ones of his victims.   
  
They had come for him, and when Liam had stood by him, when Liam had tried to defend him, both verbally and physically, he had been shot.    
  
He had been shot  _ fourteen _ times.    
  
Liam had put himself between danger, and Theo, and he had almost paid for it with his life, all because he cared about Theo.    
  
Theo had carried him the whole way to Deaton’s, he had stayed in the corner, Tara’s heart racing as he watched Deaton meticulously remove bullet after bullet. Theo calmed only once Deaton informed him that every bullet had come out, and that none, it seemed, were lodged anywhere that would do permanent damage.   
  
The bullets were out, and Liam’s body could heal now.   
  
This time.   
  
Next time, though? Next time the story might be different. Next time, Liam might put himself in between Theo and something more fatal, and Theo didn’t know if he could let that happen. He didn’t know if he could even open the door to it.    
  
Or rather, if he could keep that door open, because right now?    
  
Right now it was open wide, and evil had walked right in.   
  
  
**5\. Your hands don’t know how to be gentle. Think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. The fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. You wolf-boy, you war machine. You wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.** **  
** **  
** “I think it’s wing is broken,” Corey said, scooping up the small sparrow. “Or maybe it just fell out of the nest before it was ready to fly. Here, hold it so I can check it over.”   
  
Gently, carefully, Corey placed the bird in Theo’s open palms, looking the tiny thing over.    
  
“Yeah, okay,” Corey smiled gently, looking up at Theo. “It doesn’t have a broken wing. We just need to find it’s nest and put it back.”   
  
Theo nodded, cupping his hands around the bird so that it wouldn’t hop out and get more hurt.    
  
As he did so, he heard a crunch so small that he never would have noticed without his enhanced hearing, followed by a tiny shriek.    
  
Hurriedly, he opened his hands and stared down at them, at the baby bird, still alive, but now very clearly with a broken leg.   
  
“What did you do?” Corey asked, his brown eyes going wide as he looked in horror at Theo’s outstretched hands.    
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”   
  
“We can’t put it back now, it won’t survive!”   
  
“I didn’t mean to,” Theo said.   
  
Inside of his chest, Tara’s heart ached as he looked down at the helpless creature in his hands. It couldn’t go back to it’s nest, back to it’s family.   
  
It was going to die, and all because Theo hadn’t been careful enough.    
  
Because he  _ couldn’t  _ be careful enough.   
  
“Give it to me,” Corey said, not even trying to mask the upset in his voice as he took the bird from Theo with hands so gentle that Theo understood how he had found love.   
  
With hands so gentle that Theo understood how he could  _ accept  _ the love he had found.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Theo said again.   
  
“I can take it to Deaton,” Corey said. “He’ll help. He’ll be able to save it.”    
  
He spoke with the confidence of someone who had been broken.   
  
He spoke with the confidence of someone who had been saved.   
  
“I’ll come with you.”   
  
“Don’t.” Corey shook his head. “You’ve done enough.”   
  
The sparrow survived.   
  
The sparrow survived because someone had been able to save it from  _ Theo. _ _   
_ _   
_ What if he held Liam too tight, and no one was there to save him?   
  
  
**6\. If you hurt him, it might kill you.** **  
** **  
** _ I could love him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I  _ do  _ love him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ How do you know? _ _   
_ _   
_ Theo watched Liam talking to Scott.   
  
He watched Liam wave his arms around, animated, his expression angry, but Theo couldn't focus on his words.   
  
Liam was angry because Stiles had been a jerk to Theo. Stiles had taken a shot at Theo at the pack meeting, and Theo had gotten up and walked out, and when he had come back, Liam was in a rage. Liam was angry that Stiles was still taking jabs at Theo.    
  
Liam was  _ defending  _ him. Liam was telling Scott that Theo was different, that he was good now, that it wasn’t fair to hold the things that he had done when he was being controlled, or when he was desperate, against him.   
  
That didn’t change the fact that Stiles was right. Liam could look at Theo and see a man, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t the monster that Stiles saw.    
  
He had done every terrible thing that Stiles still blamed him for. He had hurt every single person that Stiles said he had, and he had done it on purpose.    
  
“Liam, stop.” Theo reached out, putting a hand on Liam’s shoulder.    
  
“No!” Liam shook his head. “You’re a part of this pack, you shouldn’t-”   
  
“I’m not.” Theo looked down. “I just help out sometimes.”   
  
“What? No.” Liam turned his attention from Scott to Theo, his brow furrowed. “No, you’re in this pack. You’re one of the good guys, Theo.”   
  
Theo said nothing.    
  
He could see it in Liam’s eyes. The young man believed what he was saying was true. He believed that Theo was one of the good guys.   
  
Tara’s heart skipped a beat - skipped several - as Theo let that belief in him sink in. It felt good.   
  
It felt  _ incredible. _ _   
_ _   
_ But it was wrong, and when Liam realized that Theo was every bit the monster that Stiles feared, it would hurt Liam.   
  
Theo couldn’t bear to think about the look of disappointment that would cross Liam’s face when he realized that his faith in Theo had been nothing but misguided.    
  
If he saw that disappointment, it might kill him.    
  
He couldn’t let Liam believe in him.   
  
It would hurt too much.   
  
“I’m not. Let it go.”   
  
He turned. He left.   
  
There was nothing else to say.   
  
  
**7\. If you hurt him you might kill yourself.** **  
** **  
** “What do you mean?” Liam looked at Theo, pain and fear inside of him that Theo had wished he had never brought on.   
  
“I tried to protect him, but the Omega came out of nowhere, I-”   
  
“Where is he?”   
  
“The hospital.”   
  
“Is he dying?” Liam’s voice shook.    
  
“I...I don’t know,” Theo admitted softly. “Maybe.”   
  
He hadn’t been strong enough to stay. He hadn’t been strong enough to wait it out, to hear whether or not Mason was going to die because of him, he had simply made sure that he was with Melissa, and he had run, like he always did.    
  
He hadn’t realized that he had run to Liam until it was too late.   
  
“You were supposed to keep him safe!” Liam looked at Theo, hurt and anger in his eyes. “You were supposed to protect him, you said that you would protect him!”   
  
“I tried!” Theo gulped.    
  
“He’s my best friend, I trusted you to make sure something like this didn’t happen!”   
  
Theo could feel the anger rising inside of the other man.    
  
Liam could only feel one emotion at a time, and right now, that emotion was hurt, but it was manifesting as anger, and Theo could tell the difference.    
  
He could always tell the difference with Liam.   
  
“Where are you going?” Theo asked.    
  
“To the hospital, where do you fucking think?” Liam snapped, slamming the door as he left.    
  
Theo sank to his knees on the Dunbar’s porch. He felt terrible.    
  
_ You should never have trusted me with something you loved.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You should never have trusted me at all.  _ _   
_ _   
_ Theo wanted to tear himself apart from the inside out. He wanted to throw himself at the mercy of Liam’s anger. He wanted to be shattered by the other man’s pain. He wanted to take himself out of this game, because it wasn’t fair to Liam. Liam put his faith in Theo again and again, and Theo did nothing but let him down.    
  
He wanted to take control of the only thing that could never be reversed, but it wasn’t his heart to stop, it was Tara’s, and that wouldn’t be fair to  _ her _ , so he sat there, on the porch, unable to reconcile what he had done to Liam’s heart with what he  _ couldn’t  _ do to Tara’s.   
  
  
**8\. You are very bad at rehabilitation. This is one addiction you’d fail to give up. He’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.** **  
** **  
** “You’re...still here.”   
  
Theo looked up from where he was, still sitting on the Dunbar’s porch.    
  
“Mason?” Theo asked.    
  
“He’s going to be okay.”   
  
“Oh.”    
  
Theo wondered if Liam could feel the relief flooding his chest. He closed his eyes, breathing in the feeling that, at least this time, he hadn’t killed the best friend of the man that he loved.    
  
“Oh?” Liam looked at Theo with searching eyes, as though that wasn’t enough, as though he wanted  _ more _ .   
  
Theo couldn’t give him more.   
  
No.   
  
Theo could give him  _ everything _ .   
  
He  _ shouldn’t _ give him more.   
  
“I should go.”   
  
Theo stood to leave, but Liam grabbed for his wrist, stopping him.    
  
“Stay.”   
  
Theo gulped. If he stayed, what would happen?    
  
If he stayed, would Liam be angry? If he stayed, would Liam shout that he was wrong to ever trust in him? If he stayed, would Liam eviscerate him for his lack of care when it came to Mason’s life?   
  
Or worse…   
  
If he stayed, would Liam be kind? If he stayed, would Liam take him in his arms and tell him that it was alright? If he stayed, would Liam tell him that it was another mistake? That he was learning? If he stayed, would Liam tell him that he was one of the good guys?   
  
If he stayed, would Liam give him a million reasons to remember him for the rest of his life?   
  
“I have to go.”   
  
Theo tore his arm away from Liam, and left. He walked, Tara’s heart giving him away as he tried to pretend that he didn’t care, because if he cared, he would never  _ stop _ caring. If he let himself love Liam, he would never  _ stop _ loving him, and when Liam realized that he could do worlds better than Theo, it would be a thousand lifetimes before Theo would be able to forget.   
  
  
**9\. You still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream.** **  
** **  
** Theo woke up, aching and cramped in the back of his truck.    
  
“Seriously?” Liam frowned at him through the window.    
  
“What?” Theo stretched, yawning, and opened the door, getting out of his truck.    
  
“You’re sleeping in your car?” Liam’s blue eyes were wide, earnest.    
  
“Uh, I guess.” Theo shrugged.    
  
“Do you  _ live  _ in your car?”   
  
“Um.”    
  
Theo knew that he could try to lie, but he knew that he would fail. Liam would be able to hear it in Tara’s heart the second he tried, so he didn’t.   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Jesus, Theo!”   
  
“Where did you think I lived?” Theo asked incredulously, because frustration and anger were easier to let in than love.    
  
“I guess...I didn’t think about it,” Liam admitted sheepishly.    
  
“There you go.”   
  
“I’m sorry,” Liam said softly, and it was genuine. There was a hurt, a sorrow in his tone that Theo had never felt from him before.   
  
At least he had never felt it directed at  _ him. _   
  
Liam was hurting for  _ him _ , and wasn’t that ridiculous? Didn’t Liam know what he was?   
  
“Don’t be.” Theo’s tone was short, clipped.    
  
“You can’t live in your car, Theo.”    
  
“Well, what do you propose I do, then?” Theo asked, his tone full of snark and bitterness.    
  
Again, easier emotions than love.   
  
“With me. Or...with my family. We have a guest room.”   
  
“I can’t.”   
  
“Why not?” Liam cocked his head to the side, and folded his arms over his chest.    
  
The second he raised his eyebrow, Theo could tell that he had lost. Sometimes, it just wasn’t worth arguing with Liam, because he didn’t stand a chance, and it couldn’t have been anymore clear that this was one of those times. There was a determination in Liam that Theo loathed.    
  
Because it was easier to hate all of the things that he loved about Liam than to admit he loved them.   
  
As he toweled off from the warm shower, and sat down on the edge of Liam’s guest bed, he wondered how this was possible, how this was real, how  _ Liam  _ was real, and maybe he wasn’t. If Liam was real, that meant that someone cared about Theo. if Liam was real, that meant that someone saw him for more than the beast that he knew he was inside, and if someone saw him more than that beast, then maybe he  _ was _ more than that.

But he  _ wasn’t _ more than that, so Liam must not be real.    
  
He couldn’t be.   
  
  
**10\. If you kiss him, you might wake up.** **  
** **  
** “You missed breakfast.”   
  
“What?” Theo frowned.   
  
He had just walked downstairs, and his hair was a mess from sleep.    
  
“You missed breakfast,” Liam said again. “Well, I mean, there’s still food, but you missed - what?”   
  
“I didn’t realize there was breakfast.”   
  
“Of course there’s breakfast,” Liam said with a smile.   
  
“Oh.”   
  
“Hey, don’t sweat it. There will be breakfast tomorrow, too.”   
  
“Tomorrow?”   
  
“Yeah, you know, that thing that comes after today?” Liam took a sip of coffee, laughing as he shook his head. “Anyways, yeah, we eat breakfast together as a family every morning.” He paused. “Well, every morning that we can, you know, sometimes my stepdad has to be at the hospital and can’t make it, but you know, we try.”   
  
“Oh.”   
  
“You say that a lot.”   
  
“I guess.” Theo shrugged.    
  
“No, you do.” Liam said. “Anyways, it’s fine. You can try again tomorrow.”   
  
As a  _ family _ .   
  
That meant that Theo shouldn’t be there. That meant that he shouldn’t go, because he wasn’t a part of this family. This was  _ Liam’s _ family. This was  _ Liam’s _ world, and Theo was just posing in it. Theo was just standing there, pretending he had a place here because he had slept in their guest room the night before, but that didn’t make him family.   
  
That didn’t mean that he belonged.    
  
“There’s cereal,” Liam said, grabbing a box from the cupboard, and a bowl from the pantry before going to the fridge for milk. “I’ll sit with you while you eat.”   
  
Theo stared, dumbstruck as Liam poured the milk into the bowl, and  _ then  _ the cereal.    
  
So maybe he wasn’t perfect, but dreams weren’t always perfect.    
  
Theo still didn’t want to wake up.   
  
Liam set the bowl down at the kitchen table, and sat back down in his own seat with his coffee, looking at the empty chair opposite him with an expectation that Theo understood, even if he didn’t  _ understand _ it.   
  
Slowly, he sat down across from Liam, and took a bite of the cereal.    
  
If this was a dream - and it  _ had _ to be - he would ride it out for as long as he could.    
  
If he woke up, and found that this wasn’t real?   
  
If he woke up, and found that  _ Liam  _ wasn’t real?   
  
_ Theo’s _ heart would break.   
  
  
**_REASONS TO KISS HIM:_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **1\. Because he’s beautiful.** **  
** **  
** “What?”    
  
“Nothing.”   
  
Liam said that it was nothing, but the smile that reached his eyes told Theo that it wasn’t nothing.   
  
The way that Liam’s body was angled towards Theo, even as they both sat on the couch, Liam on his phone, Theo reading a book...or pretending to, told Theo that it wasn’t nothing.    
  
Still, Liam turned back to his phone, and Theo watched the sunlight stream through the window, lighting up Liam’s features. He took in the way that Liam’s brown hair, much longer than it had been when they had met, framed his face. He took in the way that Liam’s slight overbite accentuated how unique this man was, inside, and out. He took in the swell of Liam’s bicep as it peeked out from under his maroon t-shirt, showing how strong the other man was.    
  
“What?” This time, it was Liam asking the question.    
  
“Nothing.”   
  
But it wasn’t nothing.    
  
Liam was beautiful. Liam, with his soft blue eyes, and his big, soft heart, no matter how tough he pretended to be. Liam was beautiful to look at, with his enchanting smile, and the way his broad shoulders tapered into a perfect body. Liam was beautiful to be around, with the way that he cared, and the way that he loved, and the way that he _ believed  _ in people, even when they didn’t deserve to be believed in.    
  
The way that he believed in a monster’s ability to not be monstrous.    
  
There was no part of Liam, even the parts of him that got way too angry, even the parts of him that put the milk in the bowl before the cereal, that Theo didn’t think was beautiful.    
  
He even found beauty in the way that, through Liam’s eyes, he could almost see  _ himself  _ as worth something.    
  
He found beauty in the longing he felt in  _ his  _ heart when Liam smiled at him.    
  
So it wasn’t nothing.    
  
It wasn’t nothing when Liam said it, and Theo knew that.    
  
Because it wasn’t nothing when  _ he  _ said it, so he knew the signs.   
  
Liam was beautiful, but Theo couldn’t tell him that, so he said “nothing” as though it were the truth.   
  
And Liam sat there as though he couldn’t see right through him.   
  
  
**2\. Because he asked.** **  
** **  
** “Okay, I need a break,” Liam said, setting down his video game controller.   
  
“Sick of getting your ass kicked?”   
  
“Psht, as if.” Liam rolled his eyes and scooted back from where he sat on the floor to lean against the foot of his bed. “Just starting to get a headache from staring at the screen.”   
  
“Liar.”   
  
Still, Theo set down his own controller and moved back to join Liam, sat on the floor, resting against the bedframe and mattress. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but he had experienced far worse.   
  
“Alright, I’m lying.” Liam shrugged. “So what?”   
  
“I knew it.” Theo smirked. “You’re just sick of getting your ass kicked.”   
  
“Nah,” Liam shook his head. “Just have other things on my mind.”   
  
That was the truth. Theo could hear it in Liam’s heartbeat.    
  
He wanted to ask what was on Liam’s mind, but he was afraid of what would happen if he did. He was afraid of what would happen if Liam said, out loud, that he was thinking about Theo, because he was.    
  
Theo knew that he was.   
  
And it was likely that Liam knew that Theo was thinking about him, but it went unsaid.    
  
It  _ always  _ went unsaid, but the video games did not always go unplayed, so Theo didn’t understand why they were now.    
  
Theo didn’t understand what was different. He didn’t understand why they were leaning, side by side, against Liam’s bed, looking into each other’s eyes, if they were both pretending that they weren’t feeling things for each other.    
  
Theo felt his own heartbeat giving him away as his gaze fell from Liam’s eyes to his lips, soft, full, and pink.    
  
He cursed the fact that he wouldn’t be able to get that by Liam.    
  
He cursed the fact that he couldn’t get anything by Liam.   
  
“I want you to kiss me,” Liam said softly.    
  
He cursed the fact that Liam was done pretending to let Theo get  _ everything  _ by him.   
  
He cursed the fact that he was going to have to face his worst fear; his own feelings.   
  
  
**3\. Because he preceded** **_please_ ** **with** **_I’m not afraid of you_ ** **.** **  
** **  
** “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”   
  
“Yes, you do.”   
  
“I can’t.”   
  
“You can.”   
  
“I shouldn’t.”   
  
“You should.”   
  
“I won’t.”   
  
“Why not?”   
  
“Because I love you.”   
  
“That...doesn’t make any sense.”   
  
“Because I’ll hurt you.”   
  
“I won’t let you.”   
  
“It won’t be your choice.”   
  
“So you  _ plan _ to hurt me?”   
  
“No.”   
  
“You  _ want _ to hurt me?”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Then don’t.”   
  
“It’s not that simple. It’s what I do.”   
  
“It isn’t.”   
  
“I’m a monster.”   
  
“You’re not.”   
  
“What if I break your heart?”   
  
“What if you don’t?”   
  
“What if-”   
  
“I’m not afraid of you.”   
  
“You should be.”   
  
“ _ Please _ .”   
  
Theo’s heart couldn’t take it anymore. The word hung out there, filling the space between them with desire, with want, with every little thing that Theo couldn’t deny anymore.    
  
He said nothing as he reached out, cupping Liam’s face in his hands before leaning in, kissing him. He closed his eyes, letting himself take this in, in case this was it, in case he woke up, or somehow turned back into a frog after kissing his prince. If this was his last moment in this dream, he was going to find a way to cling to how it felt with every waking moment until he could find a way to fill the void that the hope of Liam would leave.    
  
But he pulled back, he opened his eyes, and Liam was still there.    
  
“Is...is this real?” Theo asked, his voice shaky.    
  
“Yes.” Liam nodded, reaching out, gently caressing Theo’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s real.”   
  
“Do you love me?”    
  
“I do.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Because.” Liam shrugged.    
  
“Because?”   
  
“Because you’re Theo.”   
  
Theo stared at him, tears glistening in his eyes, but failing to fall.    
  
_ Because I’m Theo?  _   
  
He had never been worth loving. He had been a monster, irredeemable...until he wasn’t.   
  
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. It had to be, there was no other explanation for it.    
  
Theo had  _ become  _ worth loving because Liam believed that he was.   
  
Theo leaned in, pressing his lips to Liam’s again, this time, using his hands to pull the other man closer to him, and for the first time, probably ever, Tara’s heart -  _ his _ heart - felt full.   
  



End file.
